Better late than never

Well hello cyberspace, its been awhile, I know. I am not even sure if anyone still reads my blog, considering I have had junioritis for about the last six months now. Regardless, I missed you blogger. Really, I need someone else to vent to, someone who is not a furry, orange cat named Charlie. I hope you can forgive me because I would really like to get back on track with regular posts. I hope this is the renewal of a long and beautiful relationship. Thanks, it means a lot.

junioritis

So it is currently 10:53 and I have a full night a head of me. Spanish test 1st period, Pre-Calc before school, earth science project, college essays and only about 700 more pages of assigned reading still to do. Usually I am the over-achiever of over-achievers, staying up at all hours of the night to finish everything perfectly and always working diligently, but something has happened in the last few weeks. I all of a sudden just don't care. Well that might be a step to far. I care but I do think I may have contracted a lethal strain of senioritis from my lovely senior friends, or junioritis in my case. Maybe its the weather, maybe its the fact that summer is almost within my grasp, or maybe it is that I am just so worn out. I am trying my hardest to find some willpower to continue but I am just so done, and the sad thing is that I am a second semester Junior, so everything counts, a lot. So as I write this hoping to waste as much time as I can before going to study those spanish vocab words I've put off, I would just like to leave with one final thought: Junior year blows.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"

For as long as I can remember I have been dreading this day. The day when all my friends from church would leave me behind and graduate. And today was that day, the last Koininia. God, I was just a mess. I knew today was coming, but it really didn't hit me until I was sitting in the chapel tonight during worship and thought to myself "this is it." I couldn't believe it. I looked around and realized this was the last time I would see Steveo singing, the last time Tim would play the drums, the last time I would walk in on a Sunday night and be greeted with a huge hug by my friend Dom, the last time I would see Will running around making sure all the lighting was perfect, the last time I would be in the same room with all these people who had come to define my high school experience. These were the kids I remember looking up to in 6th grade and just wishing I they would somehow want to be my friend as badly as I wanted to be theirs. These people have been with me through the ups and the downs and I am so lucky that God has placed each and everyone of them in my life. I am so lucky to have fallen into this community and that I have been blessed with the best brothers and sisters in Christ possible. So as I loudly (and as off key as always) sang my heart out for the final time with this PAW band, I really did feel God. He showed me all the times to be happy about and all the memories these songs brought back from the years. The mission trips, the sabbaths, the mosaic retreats, the Sunday nights that had helped make up the person I am. I scanned the room and took in all the faces of all the friends I have been so lucky to make. I know that although this may seem like the end now, it is only the beginning of a new journey God is placing before us. I will always have these friends as part of my life and will continue to pray and love them. I am so blessed to have such an amazing community. I love Christ Church of Oak Brook with all my heart, mind, and soul. Thank you God for an amazing last seven years. Just wish I had worn water proof mascara. (:

:)

thank you for my friends god. I sometimes forget how lucky I am to be surrounded by such amazing people. and YAY for my official first trip to omega! lets hope I don't spend the whole night sick again after that meal... hahahaha love you all sososososo much

and ps thank you for DPs in cimos car

iPhone

So as many of you may already know, I have this problem where I loose a lot of phones. No matter how how I try, they inevitably get lost. I had been really good for a really long time until a little over two weeks ago. I lost another one. Only this time I someone stole it. Regardless I was phoneless and out of contact with the outside world. I just used my little brothers phone until the most amazing thing happened. I was sitting on my bed doing homework (aka Facebook stalking) when my dad walked in threw something at me and said "Good grades this semester." Imagine my surprise when it ended up being an iPhone. It is only the 3G (randomly was only $50) which I was totally okay with since I had to pay for it myself. I currently have only been an iPhone owner for a few days now, and I never thought in a million years I would be one of those people always on their phone, but I've become obsessed. I am planning on never, never loosing this phone. I told my dad I would take care of it like a small child because he told me that if I loose it to not bother coming home, and sadly I'm kinda scared he's serious. Hopefully that day will never come, ever, but as for now I am finally joining the rest of the smart-phone society and loving it

Yayyyy for snow days!

Perfect

I think I may have finally found the answer to something very hard for me, forgiving but not forgetting. Yayyy I feel better

Egypt

I was watching the news all weekend and cannot stop thinking about the crisis in egypt. Since I had known about Tom and Dom's mission trips over the summer and met Mama Maggie, as well as considered going on the egypt trip this summer, I can not stop thinking about what was going on half way across the world. Among so many other things, I wonder that if christians were already persecuted and the minority, what is going to happen to them now? If an islamic extremist group gains control what will they do to the egyptian christians like Mamma Maggie and others? It makes you realized that there are so many greater problems than what grades I get, or college, or what I'll wear out tonight, or my popularity. Gods people are so much bigger than those things. I really hope all those people will be okay

rewind

Please help me find direction.  I miss the old maddie. The maddie who was constantly smiley and happy, was always herself, and innocent. I just want to be that girl who had all of her priorities straight and felt so confident. The person who I am becoming scares me because I just want things to go back to the way there were.

healed

okay so this is my first day with a blog and already my third post. haha I have a feeling ill be using this much more than i anticipated...
I went on my mosaic stay treat this weekend and I love these type of things because they remind me of how much God loves me and how far I can grow apart from him. the last couple of weeks have been kind of hard for me. I've been really stressed and felt just sad and really lonely. I feel like everything in the world is going right for me, yet nothing is really making me truly happy. I know I made mistakes and I was starting to question decisions that felt so right at the time. I feel like something or someone was missing. and no matter how many times I said I was fine or smiled, I still felt empty. After this weekend though, Gods presence came to me for the first time in longer than Id like to admit. It just felt so good. I just feel healed. 

If God is for us, who can be against us? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 31b, 35, 37-39)

friendship

WANTED: A best friend who meets the following ten requirements

1) Someone who's family family loves me more than my own family does

2) Someone who will tell me the truth even when I don't want to hear it

3) Someone who will stand up for me when no one else will

4) Someone who can seriously talk about things like God with me

5) Someone who makes me feel good about myself

6) Someone who never would let a boy come between us

7) Someone who always has my back, even when I'm wrong

8) Someone who laughs with me and my unfunny jokes

9) Someone who pulls me back to reality when I've gone astray

10) Someone who cares about me and always has my back

Any persons meeting the following will be automatically disqualified:

1) Anyone who leaves me stranded and alone at parties

2) Anyone who talks shit about me to my ex boyfriend

3) Anyone who cuts me down just so they feel better

4) Anyone who gossips about me to make them feel better

5) Anyone who doesn't truly want the best for me

6) Anyone who makes my cry

7) Anyone who thinks they are 'too cool' for me

8) Anyone who calls me a bitch

9) Anyone who spreads secrets I've entrusted to them

10) Anyone who cares about themselves more than they care about me

If you meet these requirements please contact me. 

Why can friends be so hard? They can either lift you up or they can make you feel worse than anyone else in the world. I feel like we're in an abusive relationship. We always go back and forth fighting over the dumbest things. With high school progressing, it gets really hard to not have that one solid, stable best girl friend. It is not my place to apologize for our fight, but that is what always seems to happen. I guess were okay now, but I'm not sure if it's for the best.

 

fresh start

So i finally did it. I am officially done not knowing what is going on in the lives of my best friends, done being the only one without one, done with not sharing my life with them, done with not having an outlet to vent. I got a blog. I did it to better know them, but who knows, maybe this will help me better understand myself too. Right?